MIAMI—Struggling to mentally close herself off from the recently deceased skeptic, local psychic Rosemary Shanley confirmed Thursday she was already sick of James Randi’s specter haunting her place of business and ragging on her from the afterlife. “I’m sitting here with my crystal ball trying to see into the future, and it’s hard enough without the ghost of James Randi hovering in front of me and whispering that I’m a fraud and a huckster,” said Shanley, adding that she tried to banish the spirit of the famed debunker and stage magician by sprinkling holy water throughout the room, but the Amazing Randi just scoffed and called the ritual “easily disproved theatrics.” “What’s worse is that he’s taken to appearing before my clients and showing them how he can do everything I can do using nothing more than simple trickery. I was impressed when he first showed up and appeared to roll a pencil across my desk using only his mind, but then he insisted it was basic misdirection and called me a dumbass for believing in psychic powers. That dude needs to get off my case and go heckle some other clairvoyant.” At press time, sources from the beyond confirmed Randi had taken possession of Shanley’s body and was attempting to locate Uri Geller.
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